Where my dreams go?

I have not thought how opportunities can get me this madly thinking. After a long walk at the mall, chat with friends, and posting how I feel to the net, I am more than unsure than I have ever been.

When I went for the interview this afternoon, I am sure of one thing- I want to work as an Account Manager for Singapore Business Review, one of the top business magazines in Asia. I was ready for everything, from interview, questions, and even sort of background check if in need.

But what i was not ready about is that one thing I should have been ready- for other opprtunities. Instead of giving me the position I want to, they wanted me to work as an editor for one of their sections, so basically I shall work as associate editor for Singapore Business Review. Yes, I would still work in Singapore, maybe of almost the same salary or I dont care so much about that but the truth.

What if I am destined to go back and take a second look of what I really love after all?

Its been sometime since I decided to take my writing on a backseat or shall I say its been long since I took writing for granted. Yes, I have been writing but honestly, i am never depending on it as a living. I know I can write, i have been writing since the day I learned to create paragraphs and make stories.

I cant remember the first essay I have ever writen but I have won awards because of how i write. I do not know what happened along the way but I suddenly stopped and before I knew it, I have been becoming more engrossed on being an Account Manager, talking to people, dealing with clients, and at times being a host.

I cannot say that I am your average JACK OF ALL TRADES but if you will ask me where I am best at, i dont think i could really banner my writing skills. Since when  I took formal schooling and took up Journalism for a degree, I saw writing as a battle for a publishable write up. In the end, I graduated with honors, had several writing stints but I know I am never the best writer, there are so many great writers I can nevre compete with.

I know i ought to make a decision soon.  they cannot wait for me forever or shall i say, they cannot wait for me for months.

I am writing now, polishing what has remained on my writing style. Yes, this may not be the best of what I do, but I know this has been my first love as early as 4 years old. I remember I would die just to have my name on a single paper.

I once dreamt of writing just for a highschool newspaper, I become the Editor in Chief. I dreamt of having one published article when I took of after college, I had my first published article when I was 17 yrs old. I dreamt of having one press ID after college, I have THREE PRESS IDs right now, working for three separate media institutions. I dreamt of at least waving in front of the camera and at least be seen as an extra on TV, I had my own TV show and I am the only host.

I have been the person I dreamt of and even had it earlier than I had expected. Now I am dreaming for something, He gave me something else.

I am bound for a make or break decision and yes I know, the final decision shall come from me, just from me.

Knowing Me More

When my mom left me to live in this life, there is one thing she always did remind me, take charge of whatever decision you do in your life. That could be why up until now, I am living the same principle and working my way in and out of everything there is.

I graduated college three years ago but worked for seven companies already. Been an editor, a PR manager, a contributor, a TV host, and a Manager at 23 years old.  Sealed a million worth contracts in a span of more than a year and been to places only expats would manage to be in.

I know I am at the peak of the world right now. Jumping from one company to another is not a hard trail. Meeting people, from presidents, congressmen down to lawmakers and street food vendors, actors and actresses to producers and artists. I am the woman on top, I make my own money and pay my own bills.

Live a life I wanted, away from parent’s shield and fighting to live a life. I am never your average girl.

I always know what I want, dream big and get it sooner than I expected. Always left with a big dream and next thing I know, I have been bigger than what I think.

 

I work hard for everything, sacrificed so much than I never thought. But would you believe no one ever asked me if I am happy, bet they think I do.

But just try asking me now, and yes, I am not. I feel empty, I feel bad. Sometimes, I just want to live a normal life like how a 23 years old would spend her day.

Listening on her MP3, walking in the park without work interfering your happy morning and restful evenings. Without anyone telling you that something went wrong at work or that someone just need your urgent help.

I WANT MY NOT SO NORMAL YET PEACEFUL LIFE BACK>>>WHERE HAVE I LEFT IT?

                                                  Living a life UP..

Not a travel blog this time

I was about to work on one of my usual articles when suddenly, I would want to include this on my blog.

I just came back from a neighbor's wake couple of minutes ago and as I walk back home, I kept thinking about this one.

It was a usual Tuesday night when I received a text message from this girl, early 20 years old. I know her since we were young because we practically lived on the same sidestreet, just three houses from our lola's house.

To cut the story short, she is asking for a a little help because she need something and would not want to ask financial help from her parents. She was telling me, she would not want her parents to shoulde any expense and so I said, I shall help her. To end our conversation, I told her to just drop by our house this weekend so she can pick up what she needs but asked her to text me again by Thursday just to remind me to bring what she needs.

But she was not able to text me. What I received was a message coming ferom my mom that this girl's dad just died that Thursday morning. I was shocked.

So I went there few minutes ago and had the most memorable 10 minutes conversation with her. When she saw me, she just hugged me tight without a word, told me she was also shocked. I braced myself not to cry. I asked her what she needs.

She told me all she is need now is STRENGTH. Eldest to two young ladies, she was telling me what are her immediate plans right after the funeral. She was not even thinking about herself, she was thinking about her MOM and sister.

She is a graduating, a 5th year engineering student who has been a scholar since highshool. I was looking at her, still trying to smile but of grief. She told me she doesn't have much time to grieve as she was thinking ahead of what she has to do next.

She told me her dad has supported her every step of the way, working as harder as she could remember and what she could have given as the best gift was handling him her diploma. I was telling her, IM SURE, HE WOULDN'T MISS YOUR GRAD FOR ANYTHING, HE WILL BE THERE.

As I walk home, I felt like I was being knocked from that 10 minute conversation. I saw her figting at that very moment, I know I can never give up.

I salute you. I would want people like me to realize that even if life sucks on your end right now, we need to keep fighting. Because that's how life should be. Appreciate everything, its how to live this life.