Where my dreams go?

I have not thought how opportunities can get me this madly thinking. After a long walk at the mall, chat with friends, and posting how I feel to the net, I am more than unsure than I have ever been.

When I went for the interview this afternoon, I am sure of one thing- I want to work as an Account Manager for Singapore Business Review, one of the top business magazines in Asia. I was ready for everything, from interview, questions, and even sort of background check if in need.

But what i was not ready about is that one thing I should have been ready- for other opprtunities. Instead of giving me the position I want to, they wanted me to work as an editor for one of their sections, so basically I shall work as associate editor for Singapore Business Review. Yes, I would still work in Singapore, maybe of almost the same salary or I dont care so much about that but the truth.

What if I am destined to go back and take a second look of what I really love after all?

Its been sometime since I decided to take my writing on a backseat or shall I say its been long since I took writing for granted. Yes, I have been writing but honestly, i am never depending on it as a living. I know I can write, i have been writing since the day I learned to create paragraphs and make stories.

I cant remember the first essay I have ever writen but I have won awards because of how i write. I do not know what happened along the way but I suddenly stopped and before I knew it, I have been becoming more engrossed on being an Account Manager, talking to people, dealing with clients, and at times being a host.

I cannot say that I am your average JACK OF ALL TRADES but if you will ask me where I am best at, i dont think i could really banner my writing skills. Since when  I took formal schooling and took up Journalism for a degree, I saw writing as a battle for a publishable write up. In the end, I graduated with honors, had several writing stints but I know I am never the best writer, there are so many great writers I can nevre compete with.

I know i ought to make a decision soon.  they cannot wait for me forever or shall i say, they cannot wait for me for months.

I am writing now, polishing what has remained on my writing style. Yes, this may not be the best of what I do, but I know this has been my first love as early as 4 years old. I remember I would die just to have my name on a single paper.

I once dreamt of writing just for a highschool newspaper, I become the Editor in Chief. I dreamt of having one published article when I took of after college, I had my first published article when I was 17 yrs old. I dreamt of having one press ID after college, I have THREE PRESS IDs right now, working for three separate media institutions. I dreamt of at least waving in front of the camera and at least be seen as an extra on TV, I had my own TV show and I am the only host.

I have been the person I dreamt of and even had it earlier than I had expected. Now I am dreaming for something, He gave me something else.

I am bound for a make or break decision and yes I know, the final decision shall come from me, just from me.